By now you're probably aware of the Jet Blue flight attendant, Steven Slater, who gave the term "exit interview" a different meaning. Angered at the behavior of passengers, he picked up the intercom, submitted his resignation, grabbed two beers and slid down the escape chute. He's gained a certain kind of notariety and almost cult-like support from some of the public.
I have no doubt that the demands of employment have become very stressful for many employees. In his Newsweek article Daniel Gross writes that Slater's meltdown came just a few hours before a government news release signaled that employers have pushed workers as far as they can go. Many employees are experiencing demands to produce more, serve more without much assistance, get less, or put off the raise. Indeed, some highly profitable firms are muscling wages of their employees down rather than up.
Yeah, there are plenty reasons for many employees to be very, very angry. But I'd suggest to you that in terms of a career future of nearly any kind, Steven Slater has none. His career options are nada. Zip. Gone. Permanently. And he did it to himself.
Because I've had success with angry managers and employees, this is a good time to revisit the experience of anger and offer some simple suggestions that can make a significant difference for you when you find yourself in difficult, frustrating situations.
Anger is a very discrete and particular thought.
It's the arrival at the conclusion that you're being trespassed against, taken advantage of, or being frustrated in your desires. But never forget that most any experience can provide a number of different conclusions. Anger is merely one conclusion or inference that can be drawn from a given experience. "My boss is really an asshole. Look what he just did to poor Jim." But actually, it's quite possible to develop any number of thoughts toward that boss for what he did. Decide you need to get flaming angry and blow your top, view it as an incident with little potential for resolution, problem solve with your boss, cover your own ass so it doesn't happen to you, decide to look for another job, etc., etc. Again, anger is just one conclusion you can draw about the actions of that asshole boss or colleague.
If you're tracking your thoughts, and admittedly, plenty aren't, anger situations are a good time to think through your potential behavior and its implications. Martin Seligman, the eminent Penn psychologist and author of Learned Optimism, has shown that ultimately our thoughts determine our behavior, not our feelings. Our thoughts are interpretations of our feelings. Three people can essentially have the same feeling about an asshole boss, but draw three different conclusions about that situation. Taking charge of your thoughts makes it possible to take charge of your behavior.
Anger is also a bodily reaction.
Your nervous system and muscles mobilize for physical assault. Muscles tense. Blood pressure and heart rate skyrocket. Digestive processes stop. Brain centers are triggered and brain chemistry goes into an attack mode. All of this is accompanied by subjective thoughts and feelings of anger. However, many simply don't think until they've trained themselves to do that. They merely feel, their body goes into action and they're in trouble.
So what can you do about bodily reactions? Pay attention to them. Most people initially feel from one specific part of their body: their stomach, their chest, their neck muscles or their face. Nearly always, feelings of anger first surface in my gut, not my chest or neck. Pay attention to yourself and figure out what the hell's going on. Once you begin to catch those feelings, you can go to work on your thinking and resolve some of the issues with gray matter rather than just building them, holding on to them and making yourself sick over a situation. Identifying what's happening to your body early on makes preventive action possible.
Treat bodily reactions the same way you would any other physical problem. Whenever possible, take preventive action when you sense the sickness coming on. When one of my daughters was a teenager, she had horrible headaches, tried many medications and was largely unsuccessful. Until, that is, she talked with a specialist who taught her to identify the trigger mechanisms and recognize the early symptoms of a headache. At that point, she was told to take an over-the-counter analgesic, rather than wait for it to get worse. She has become highly successful in managing her body and rarely has a headache today. Preventive action resolved the problem. I'm not playing down the meaning of anger in the workplace or any other setting. Besides, in the next few paragraphs, I'm going to recommend the wise use of anger. Don't misunderstand. I have no middle-class allergy toward the use of anger in some settings. But if nothing will change a situation, I'm sure as hell not going to waste my energy and my anger on it. I'll just channel my anger in other directions.
Anger can also become attack.
Anger attacks, like Slater's, are usually directed toward the offender(s). Slater made his attack rather clear. He really said to his bosses and clients, "take this job and shove it." However, if you are well socialized, you'll usually control the attack--at least somewhat. Mute it. Suppress it. Or save it for a more opportune time. Highly socialized people don't usually attack. If you do attack or decide to attack make certain that you've got some follow up plans in place.
Recently I've taught some clients who are in a difficult organizational setting how to become a strategic asshole. They attack. However, they reserve that attack for very rare situations, have it planned out, have some definite back-up plans, and go after a very specific objective. One of my clients told me that she had gotten fed up with one internal client, always bitching and complaining and making impossible demands. She was really angry with the S.O.B. So she planned out her attack, waited for a relevant opportunity, attacked and was highly successful. The client backed down fast and changed his ways of talking and relating to her--long term. She achieved her objectives in a very difficult culture. He also treats her with much more respect. But be very, very careful in deciding to make a strategic attack. I don't use them more than once every six months or year, and sometimes not that often. The fall-out, if not thought through, can be very damaging.
So what happens when you control or "stuff" your anger? There's a lot of disagreement on that subject. Some psychologists view our emotional system as hydraulic. If anger is dammed up or pushed down in one place, it will inevitably surface in some other, more unwelcome place. If you don't vent your anger when you are angry, it will increase your blood pressure or eat an ulcer in your stomach, or cause self-hate or be set aside until you come to a less dangerous victim. Still others think that anger unexpressed simply dissipates. It dilutes and dissolves. If you count to one-hundred or turn the other cheek, before you know it the anger is gone. Well, who's right? Actually neither is quite right. The most effective means of dealing with anger is resolution. And neither of those ways can be considered resolution.
My recommendation? The next time you're tempted to do a "Jet Blue" or tell the boss to shove it, think very carefully about what you're about to do. Manage that anger very carefully.