Dan Erwin

I’ve Actually Been Paid to Teach People How to Do Small Talk

You’d think it was a waste of time and money if, that is, you didn’t know who paid me to learn how to do small talk. There were fifteen to twenty out of my nearly five-hundred one-on-one executive coaching contracts. Those who paid for my services were at least vice-president level in huge (multi-billion dollar) international companies. It was never an ordinary manager. In fact, several who contracted for my services were C-Suite executives.

So why were the small talk clients all C-Suite execs and vice-presidents? The answer was the same for every single one of these clients. They were high achievers. They really knew their business and they’d focused every working day on their business discipline and its demands.

But now they needed to know how to do small talk because of their role as company representatives to community and neighborhood charities as well as national and international charities. Since involvement was important to their firm, they were expected, as executives, to attend as company representatives. Most of them didn’t know how to talk about anything except their business, so they were tongue-tied in their new role. They were embarrassed to talk about their problem in the firm, so an external consultant was the way to go. And I just happened to be available—or one of their close friends recommended me.

The Flip Side of Happiness

Too much of a good thing can backfire. And that, research reveals, includes happiness. It’s intriguing to find significant research explaining the downside of emotions. Not least because I’ve always been intrigued with the upside of bad emotions and the downside of good emotions. Anger, for example, has an upside. And, in a never forgotten experience with a client, paranoia—at least for a lawyer—can have an upside too.

American culture is all about the pursuit of happiness. We’ve institutionalized that pursuit in the Declaration of Independence. But we understand the governmental caveats to that pursuit to assume also that we don't do anything illegal or violate the rights of others.

Still, I’m not a happiness-hater. Normally I have more than my fair share of happiness...

Lifelong Learning for Lifelong Employability

What’s the best way to go about business learning and stay abreast of constant change and new developments? In the February issue of the McKinsey Quarterly, Beth Davies and colleagues go beyond my question and focus on learning for lifelong employability. They set up their conclusions by distinguishing between the skills people have and the actual skills companies need. Then, of course, they add artificial intelligence into the mix, making for an absolutely superb analysis of human competitive advantage and the tools necessary for lifelong learning.

Their analysis of the necessary tools for adult learning (andragogy) covers the most salient issues from learning research.

1. Relationships help in learning by stimulating the parasympathetic nervous system. The parasympathetic nervous system conserves energy, slows the heart rate and lowers the blood pressure particularly after fight or flight responses. But under the pressure of business learning, relationships stimulate this “calming down” system, enabling people to process new ideas and learn more effectively than when working alone.Largely, I’ve found, it was because of traditionally competitive relations that only began to break down in the 1980s and ‘90s. In spite of the hullaballoo about AI, I’ll bet the majority of organizations are still in the middle ages regarding learning and development—except, that is, for technology groups...

I Never Thought I’d Read a Psych Book this Enlightening—and This Much Fun!

               Before You Know It: The Unconscious Reasons We Do What We Do
                    By John Bargh, PhD

Last Spring, I got cornered by one of my friends, a psych analyst, while vacationing with her and her husband. We’d been having some heavy discussions and I’d been taking a solid position on the conscious brain and ignoring the unconscious (Only nerds like me do such things.) Finally, she asked the question: “Well, Dan, do you believe in the unconscious?” Recognizing she was probably pissed, I stared at her for about 30 very quiet seconds and finally responded, “I’m agnostic.” That discussion went no further.

But after working through John Bargh’s book, I’m a convert to the phenomenal role of the unconscious brain. Bargh had me from the first line of his book: “In college, I majored in psychology and minored in Led Zeppelin. Or maybe it was the other way around.” The scholarship doesn’t get any better, and the fun never stops. . 

How to Be Your Own Worst Enemy

One of the most damaging cognitive biases, especially for the successful, is the illusion of control. It’s the tendency for people to overestimate their ability to control events. It occurs when someone feels a sense of control over outcomes that they demonstrably do not influence. The illusion of control is a confusion between skill and chance situations. So, it’s seen in issues as disparate as gambling behavior and belief in the paranormal. Another place it operates—very much out of sight--is in business conversations.

In a fascinating study Boaz Keysar and Anne Henley, psychologists at the University of Chicago, studied 40 pairs of listeners and speakers.  The talkers believed that their intended meaning was understood "most of the time."  But that belief, like a lot of other so-called "soft skill" beliefs, won't stand up to the scrutiny of research.

Instead, the research showed that nearly half the time that speakers thought they were understood, they were actually wrong.  In 46% of the cases there was a breakdown--the listeners didn't get it.  What's most surprising is ...

Learning from Da Vinci

 

The first thing that crosses our mind when we think of Da Vinci is either the Mona Lisa or the Last Supper. But Da Vinci, who died in 1519, was a lot more than a painter and muralist. The “Renaissance man,” he was also a scientist, engineer and mathematician, as well as a student of anatomy, birds, optics and geology. He even did city planning.

In the new biography by Walter Isaacson, who also wrote biographies of Steve Jobs and Albert Einstein, the author calls da Vinci “history’s consummate innovator.” It’s a beautiful book, beautifully written and illustrated. I was especially amused by the section “A Golden Age for Bastards.” Being a bastard in that time was not an especially unusual experience. But if his father had formally adopted him, he would have had to become an account and follow in his father’s footsteps. We’d never have had the work of this master. So, give thanks for bastards!

My reading of the book offers three lessons for anyone desirous of learning from da Vinci.

First, there is no such thing as a great genius, working alone. Isaacson puts it this way: “we should be wary of that word.” What da Vinci did was based on skills that he learned from others. Da Vinci left a trove of notebooks, many of them filled with to-do lists. Although they sparkle with curiosity, they show Da Vinci relentlessly seeking people from whom he could learn. “Get the master of arithmetic to show you how to square a circle.” “Ask Benedetto Protinari by what means they walk on ice in Flanders.” “Get the measurement of the sun promised me by Maestro Giovanni Francese, the Frenchman.” “Ask Giannino the Bombardier about how the tower of Ferraro is walled.”

To put it in 21^st century lingo, his creativity is driven by a huge network that he uses constantly. Creativity is always like that. What that means is that if you don’t know or can’t find expertise in your network you’re doing yourself a great disservice and limiting your future...

How to Keep Your Enemies Closer Than Your Friends

In April 2015, I wrote a blog questioning, “Why Should You Keep Your Friends Close and Your Enemies Closer?” With an excess of 28,000 reads of that post, it obviously identified a real need of a great many people.  The post provided a rationale for the issue, not least that you can learn a lot from people you dislike, gain a different perspective and make it easier for your allies to work with you. But it only addressed strategies for working with enemies and difficult people in a cursory fashion.

Near as I can tell, there are two vocations that absolutely require a person to keep their enemies closer just to keep their job: elected politicos and Protestant church ministers. However, most business people recognize early on that they’re going to have to work with “enemies,” people they don’t especially like or trust--or pay the price in performance and sometime job loss.

So how can you keep your enemies closer?
First, confronting your enemies is usually a waste of time and a bad conversational move. They’ve got their views and in a high percentage of cases you’re not going to change their mind anyway. You may feel good by confronting them, but that won’t make the problem go away. Sure, there are occasions when confrontation is useful, but they are rare. And sometimes confronting another is a form of suicide.

Furthermore. . .

Losing Faith in Expertise?

 
  We are moving toward a Google-fueled, Wikipedia-based collapse of any division between     professionals and laypeople. Tom Nichols, US Naval War College

Tom Nichols' engrossing study of how America lost faith in expertise--and why that's a giant problem--is long overdue. On numerous occasions I've listened to one of the least informed persons in the room hold court, confidently lecturing me and others with a stream of banalities and misinformation. And it's not just at a cocktail party. A few weeks ago a masseuse was talking with great confidence about national policy regarding healthcare, a subject about which she knew absolutely nothing. Since I was captured on a massage table, I merely grunted, but I wanted to throttle her.

A Year in Review: My Top Five Blog Posts of 2016

There's no doubt that history books will look at 2016 with. . . well, astonishment. Hoping to gain some marketing insight for 2017, here are the most read blog posts written last year. The most read posts are golden oldies from as far back as 2010.  But I was especially intrigued by what I could learn from last year's top posts.  

How to sabotage your own conversation.  A significant group of generally smart professionals periodically shoot themselves in the foot with its use. They can resolve a problem, break it down into bits and pieces for a solid resolution--and even explain their rationale. But along the way their input loses its credibility for a simple reason. . . . Action on this issue will help you build your credibility.

A stupidity-based theory of organizations. This is one of those studies which tell you more than you want to know about how organizations actually work. The researchers don’t screw around. They nail organizational BS to the wall. What’s unique about the research are...

No Yoda, But a College of Mentors (Part II:Skills and Relational Mentors)

Question any leader or executive about their success and eventually they’ll tell you that their mentor played a big role. Today, however, there is no Jedi-Master Yoda, wise and powerful, taking on people and unlocking the paths to business immortality. The onus is now yours to find numerous mentors, build the relationships, learn from them, weave the skills together, and create your successful identity. No single master, but a collage of mentors. 

Skills mentors
These are the mentors you need to do your day-to-day work. They’re usually the first you meet in the organization because they have the responsibility to get you situated. Inside your organization and readily available, they can provide the basic mentoring in those specific disciplines and proprietary skills that your organization needs and holds dear.
 
As you’re beginning in a new organization you’ll find that some mentors really know their stuff and watch out for you. They seem to understand...

No Yoda, But a Collage of Mentors (Part I: Leadership Success)

Question any leader or executive about their success and eventually they’ll tell you that their mentor played a big role. Today, however, there is no Jedi-Master Yoda, wise and powerful, taking on people and unlocking the paths to business immortality. The onus is now yours to find numerous mentors, build the relationships, learn from them, weave the skills together and create your successful identity. No single master, but a collage of mentors.

The need for mentorship is more profound than ever: success without mentors is nearly impossible. Compounding the issue is that choice assignments in this hypercompetitive world are in short supply. So it’s the mentored employee who will be presented with better opportunities, faster promotions and top salaries.

Even worse, research reveals job performance does not impact what happens to most people in most organizations...