Over the years I’ve met with clients and business people who were resistant to working with a colleague because he or she was an “angry asshole.” But when I analyzed their statement by talking to other colleagues, I found just as I expected that so-called “angry” people were a very mixed bag. Their anger differed significantly. Sometimes a person's anger served a useful purpose and other times it did not. But the differences are rarely clear to most people. What I learned was that it was often helpful and enlightening to push back on “useful” anger, but that I was liable to get burned by another person’s anger.
FYI: It's important to understand that some religious people in business think that all anger is evil. Don't fall for that line. Some anger is useful, motivational and even redemptive. Of course, some anger is also destructive, serving no purpose except for an asshole to vent.
I was around an awful lot of destructive anger growing up--so rather than backing off, I learned to analyze most anger to figure out whether it had any basis in fact. The anger was nearly always sourced in my mother. By the time I was in high school, I could usually figure out her anger and decide whether to just listen and forget it, whether I should make some changes, or whether to just stroke her and agree that life was really bad. It took a lot of confidence to deal with her, but like most adolescents I could figure out what I'd be rewarded for and what not. As a general rule, if there are rewards for behavior, adolescents can figure out whether to charge ahead or back off to gain the rewards of peace faster than adults .