I was a bit surprised in a recent conversation with my ophthalmologist that though she was a superb eye physician, she was utterly in the dark when it came to human behavior. We got off my discussion of some refraction issues—readily resolved—and onto the behavioral failures of highly educated business people. Her underlying assumption was that the behaviors shouldn’t have happened because these well-educated people should know better.
I commented that far more often than not, behavioral failures are out of ignorance, not laziness or intention. Boy, that didn’t go over well. I repeated the simple statement a couple more times, but it was obvious from her nonverbals that she absolutely was not accepting my conclusion. I thought about saying, “look, I’m the expert in behavior and you’re the expert in ophthalmology,” but realizing that she wasn’t ready to go that far, I stuffed it, just letting it soak in and knowing she’ll want to talk about it six months from now at my next appointment. So, I went back to the questions about my refraction.
What she was missing was a great deal of understanding not only about human behavior, but especially about the complexities making up simple behaviors like listening and questioning, much less the rich complexities of highly interactional business conversations and often highly interactional personal conversations. Her problem was not unusual: medical specialties like business specialties (think “silos”) create thick walls. And some issues of behavior never break through such walls. And like plenty of professionals, they naively think they understand talk and communication. Sheer nonsense!!
Many never give thought to what they’re missing, especially in their conclusions about human behavior, business or otherwise. In this instance as in many, she was missing a lot of facts about the business of human interaction. Most people simply talk and communicate based on what they learned from their family of origin and perhaps from a teacher or two. I had a required speech communication course (“sending and receiving”) in high school in 1950-51, but very few have had my educational experience, much less a quality trained teacher. And if you’ll think about it, very few families ever talk about talk and communicating, or even have the expertise to engage thoughtfully and accurately.
The “what am I missing” question is quite different than the “what am I missing out of” question. That’s primarily a question about missed luxuries in life—missed experiences that others might have or be having. “What am I missing?” is a question about your thinking related to problem solving and decision making. It’s an attempt at gaining better data and/or better ideas in your processes.
But this question of “what’s missing?” is assuming a far more important and obvious role in technology, a role that openly costs billions of lost dollars for a company. Of course, I’m quite capable of also arguing that what’s missing in conversations can also cost billions, but let’s not go there.
So, as I reflected about the issue with my eye doctor, I thought not only about what we miss in behavioral interactions and knowledge, but how often we miss major issues in business thinking—especially in the cutting-edge world of algorithms. And about how often algorithmic failures have become front page issues.
In fact, the key question about big data that data scientists themselves are revealing is not “What did I measure?” but “What did I miss?” You may have seen the articles on algorithmic bias in medical services—especially toward minorities. Then there’s all the misses on employment algorithms. There are lots of other areas where this is also happening. For example, some major apartment rental leases miss out on potential clients because of certain inadequate income expectations. Certainly not my apartment, where clients are not receiving federal support from HUD. But I understand from my housekeeper that apartments contracting with HUD have made all kinds of errors of obvious bias. And recently, there were articles in major newspapers about algorithmic problems in weapons of war related to the Ukraine-Russia onslaught. Sometimes what’s missing is physically disastrous.
However, the question has a lot more value than merely its role in big data or a conversation with a medical provider. Indeed, when well-placed in a problem-solving conversation, there are few questions more important.
Why so rare?
Why is “what am I missing?” so rarely used? It’s not because people are ignorant of its words and syntax, because it’s off the radar screen, or even because some of its values are misunderstood and usually out-of-awareness. It’s about the question’s underlying psychology of personal vulnerability that tracks back to the industrial age. Thus, vulnerability is inevitably understood in terms of getting taken advantage of, getting hurt and losing power. And so, in business, there is still a positive allergy to questions, statements or admissions that imply personal vulnerability. But in today’s world of flattened hierarchies and cross-disciplinary relationships, vulnerability is a metaphor that needs to be eviscerated of its industrial age power in most any business, professional or personal context.
What might you actually be missing?
The answers to that issue take several forms. It might just be issues of data and information. That’s the most basic response. But it also might be something of process: either the fact that a process is not relevant to the issue or that a better, more relevant process is now available.
But it also might be about more fundamental matters. One area often absent from such decision-making is about approach. Other, more valid or pragmatic approaches to problem identification and solution might be available to the more thoughtful unit. It might, also, be about purpose: why something is the way it is, or why something should even be done.
A final thing that might be missing fits in the category of the personal or organizational meaning of the problem. Is this a problem we should really be considering? And are the values of resolving this issue worth the time and cost?
The values of “what am I missing?”
The question is actually empowering. It instills in its respondent(s) a sense that they are capable and knowledgeable. It sends the message of respect and that the other person’s ideas are perhaps better than the one doing the asking. But there are a number of other highly useful values to the question.
In addition, open-ended questions like this correlate with creativity. Research reveals strongly that creativity is a transactional process among individuals and especially among diverse groups. Creativity is never the singular response of an individual brain. Thus, asking the question provides significant potential for creative problem solving.
Furthermore, the question encourages others’ development as thinkers and problem solvers. Indeed, when you’re working interactionally or on a team, the question delivers both short-term and long-term value: the short-term value of generating a solution to the issue at hand and the long-term value of reinforcing mutual empowerment.
The question is actually a tool for handling similar situations in the future and develops relationships of expertise. In contrast, disempowering questions like “who’s to blame for this mess?” undercuts the confidence of those of whom it’s asked and sabotages performance.
The question also creates clarity, providing potential for further insight into a problem. Added to that, it helps others, including the asker, to think analytically and critically. As such the question can inspire and enable people to reflect and see things in fresh and unpredictable ways. That consequence encourages breakthrough thinking and often challenges assumptions.
Finally, the question is highly useful for creating ownership of solutions. With ownership, the team members can be far more united in both their support as well as their selling of a solution, a very important issue in today’s organizations.
The leadership reflected in asking this question can enable an entire unit when fresh challenges arise. “What am I missing?” can be pure gold in the work world and the personal world--and not a question to avoid. It’s a question for everyone’s toolkit.