The obvious reason for listening failure is that people are unaware of listening processes. For example, lots of folk think resolving listening failure is all a matter of listening harder. But research makes it very clear that listening harder barely improves listening. As an exec coach and a specialist in listening, I learned years ago that people don’t understand that listening is actually a process containing several elements.
Got some doubts about that insight? Here’s how I found out about listening ignorance. And learned that very few smart MBAs—even from the top schools--understand that process.
Whatever my client's developmental objectives, whether influence management, strategic thinking, client management, decision processes, bias recognition, or leadership, I usually get around to asking participating interviewees a few very, very basic questions.
One of the killers is this simple query: "How effective a listener is my client?" Ninety-nine times out of a hundred, I get the innocuous response--"he’s good." Then I dig in: Does he repeat what you've said? Does he clarify or check out what you've said? Does he summarize or paraphrase what you've said? Or an even more significant question--to what extent does he verbalize the implications of what's being said?
After four "nos" in a row, half the interviewees fill in the blanks and say something to the effect that it’s obvious my client may not be as effective as they once thought. The majority of interviewees have a question right at that point. In fact, I’ve found it advantageous to respond to their implicit listening questions. (When I get three or four “never thought about that” responses, I’m knocking on the door for further business.) Then after confirming their insight, I take the next step—providing research information.
The research is a shocker. It reveals that a busy manager spends 80% of her time listening to people, . . and still doesn't get half of what is said.
Listening process suffers from the same problem as many other interpersonal behaviors. Both high school and college generally have not emphasized that such “soft” behaviors are made up of complexities that can be learned. A process made up of small behavioral bits and a content orientation focused on questioning, both of which are necessary for effective listening.
But back to process: aside from educational failures and knowledge of the process, why is listening--a skill to which few managers pay much attention--so problematic? It’s not just the lack of listening process. It’s even more basic than that.
Listening failures are caused by the fact that we think much faster than we talk. The average business professional talks at about 125 words a minute--very slow going for the brain. The estimates vary, but neuroscientists suggest that the average person has about 100 billion brain cells (neurons) plus ten times that in support cells (glia--something in the neighborhood of one trillion cells). Of course, if you're feeding the neurons through regular enrichment, you're also adding more neurons and connections. All that will push up the rate of speed. You may think that you're overloaded, but so far, I've never heard of anyone lacking memory--without incipient dementia. Playing around with the numbers again, it's probable that the brain has about 100 trillion synapses, which will give you something like 100,000 gigabytes of memory. The latest Dell Inspiron Desktop—top of the line—has a little over 32 gigabytes of memory. How's that for perspective?
Even more intriguing research suggests that the brain compares to about a 168,000 Mhz Pentium computer. Even so, memory and system complexity make that comparison nearly childish. So, with all this fast-moving gray matter composed of interlocking systems and supported by nearly idiosyncratic retrieval systems, what do you need to do to improve your listening skills? There are many ways to answer that question—some oriented to content and others to competency processes. Here are a set of content questions—separate from the actual listening process.
- Think ahead to anticipate where the talker is leading and what conclusions will be drawn. Keep moving back and forth on that issue. “So what you’re ultimately focusing on is that. . . ?”
- Weigh the evidence, and think through its validity. Indeed, pay very close attention to evidence. Any college grad should be able to run on at least two tracks at the same time. A salesperson has to run on at least three tracks—using her brain to think and talk-and observing the client’s responses so she can adapt. “So, you’re saying that because of. . . the conclusion is fairly obvious?”
- Both internally and orally, review and summarize the points being made. “Let’s make certain I understand. You’re saying that. . . and. . . and. . . mean that. . . ?
- Listen between the lines for subtexts--what's not being said, but meant. “Sounds to me that a lot more may be going on than what we’ve been talking about. What am I missing here?”
These content skills make listening accuracy far better, and can lead to further additions to your toolkit. Furthermore, excellent questions are a superb form of self-advocacy. Excellent listening questions are reputation builders--and that often leads to better opportunities. So, listening is not a ho-hum issue, but a BIG DEAL impacting your work future. Listening is the beginning place for conversation—and then questioning is second. Notice how I mixed the questions into my listening in the above examples. They go together like hand and glove. But both the actual listening and questioning processes are topics for another discussion.