Studies show that only about 1 in 100 persons is a psychopath, but there is a higher proportion in prisons and corporate board-rooms. But a more relevant fact on the other end of the psychological spectrum is that studies show that narcissism is on the rise. That means a lot more narcissists in the board rooms and the workforce.
A study released by researchers from the National Institutes of Health, in a survey of 35,000 Americans, asked about narcissistic symptoms. It found that only 3% of people over 65 had ever experienced narcissistic symptoms,but that nearly 10% of people in their twenties had. A 2009 study by Jean Twenge of SDSU and Josh Foster of the University of South Alabama showed that narcissistic traits are increasing even faster than previously thought. From 2002 to 2007, college students' scores on the Narcissistic Personality Inventory rose twice as fast as in an earlier study covering changes between 1982 and 2006.
The traits that were studied included an unfounded sense of entitlement and overly high self-regard. In business, narcissism results in a serious lack of empathy for others and an exaggerated sense of the person's own importance and abilities. People with this trait believe themselves to be uniquely gifted and often show up as arrogant and egotistical. They tend to be very critical of other people. They'll also push for special benefits and status. In addition, most narcissist managers won't give credit where due and won't support their workers. Unless there is something in it for them, they won't work on behalf of their team and others' career development. I've found that in corporate America narcissists can't listen, aren't coachable, always think they're right, keep score and can't collaborate. You'll also find that many narcissists are masters at sucking up. As one exec said of a colleague narcissist, "He can play the CEO like a violin."
Sure, some of these people make great actors for the entertainment world (think Mel Gibson and Britney Spears). And many of them are able to perform at a high level for their organizations (I won't name those familiar names). But as many of you know, they're a terrible pain to work with. They are a category among the group of difficult people that Bob Sutton (Stanford Business) labels assholes.
So how do you best deal with a narcissistic manager?
I want to go at this from two perspectives: short term and long term.
Myra White, a psychologist and clinical prof at Harvard Med School, who also teaches in the field of organizational behavior, has four suggestions:
- Since they like to be associated with high status people, keep your distance and demand the respect your position deserves. Get wired to other status people, and keep dropping their names in front of the narcissist.
- Since they're not good team players, whenever possible make certain to get people on the team whom they admire and consider high status.
- Since they're liable to push you for special favors and bend the rules for them, stick to the rules. Make sure you don't cave in to their demands.
- Since they're liable to claim credit for other's contributions, protect yourself and others. Speak up for the colleague who's really made the contribution and don't let the narcissist get away with bullshit. When you're not comfortable speaking up to the narcissist, it's valuable to go around to team members and point out that your colleague made the contribution, not the narcissist. That'll be good for future relationships. But more significantly, it'll educate your team members to what's going on. Eventually, as a number of people become more aware of the narcissistic behaviors, that info filters up to higher levels. That strategy can result in a termination for the narcissist--at least in the better companies.
At a more profound and long-term level, Bob Sutton's very practical recommendations in The No Asshole Rule (listed on the left side of my blog site) are masterful. Sutton goes at the subject in his chapter When Assholes Reign with recommendations for all kinds of difficult situations--recommendations you'll want to memorize and act on.
A basic way to deal with narcissists is to reframe, to change how you see things. Psychologists have found that if you can't escape a stress creator, the first step is to change your mind-set about what's happening to you. Martin Seligman (Learned Optimism) has found that when people view difficulties as temporary, not their fault and as something that will not pervade and ruin the rest of their lives, that way of thinking, that frame, protects their mental and physical health. Reframing a narcissistic situation is a step in liberating you from that person's clutches, and will sustain your physical and mental health.
A second step is to hope for the best, but expect the worst. Unwavering hope that that narcissistic arse is going to someday be transformed into a nice person sets you up for one disappointment after another. Lowering your expectations, focusing on the few good things, and becoming optimistic about how it will all end can help you endure a horrible situation.
A third step is to develop indifference and emotional detachment. Sutton is one of the few to wisely point out that passion in organizational life is an overrated virtue, and indifference is an underrated virtue. Business books, all caught up in naive success and optimism ideas and illustrations, never say this. But it needs to be said. Even shouted from the rooftops. To quote Sutton: All this talk about passion, commitment, and identification with an organization is absolutely correct if you are in a good job and are treated with dignity and respect. But it is hypocritical nonsense to the millions of people who are trapped in jobs and companies where they feel oppressed and humiliated--where their goal is to survive with their health and self-esteem intact and provide for their families, not to do things for a company that treats them like dirt.
The ability to gain control over seemingly trivial things, to look for small wins, even trivial things, is the hallmark of people who survive horrible and uncontrollable things. Indeed, as I've noted elsewhere, Karl Weick has found that aiming for small wins is both more comforting and more effective than aiming for big wins. Feeling that you are in control, in even the smallest things can reduce the feelings of helplessness and hopelessness that a narcissistic ass can engender.
Finally, it's important to build pockets of safety, sanity and support. Learn to hide from the jerk and hang out with decent people. That'll provide you with both a bit of control over your life and also reduce your exposure to jerks. Supportive colleagues and even thoughtful clients can buffet you from working with a slew of narcissists.
The point of all this is that you can manage even the flaming narcissists that you'll inevitably encounter in business. Learn how now, because it's obvious that the good old USA is becoming a nation of narcissistic assholes. During the depression of the 1930s, depression was the national disease. In the technological age, narcissism is going to become more and more the national disease.