Focusing on the relationship with your new boss--from the start--is key to long-term success. If you've never done it before, giving your boss feedback can be nervewracking. Still, many, if not most strong relationships are based on openly sharing advice and input. That kind of communication relationship weathers the storms of personal disagreement and corporate difficulty. So here are four tips for building a relationship with feedback and advice at the center.
- Start early. Most new bosses try to have one-on-ones early in their tenure. Pay close attention to her input, guaging her willingness to listen and openness to relationships. Be attentive to the smallest hints of concern that she may voice. Make a few comments and ask a few questions that telegraph your desire for a relationship and willingness to give unsolicited input. Research clearly reports that your ability to enhance the ego of your boss is a key success factor.
- Determine her willingness to listen. Since silence is open to many interpretations and meanings, define early on how your boss uses silence. Is she paying attention to what others are saying, formulating her own response, accepting or rejecting ideas? Keys to a real listener include her use of questions, definition of terms, clarification of input, as well as summary application of a speaker's insights. Pay close attention to her "turn-taking" skills. Does she talk, listen intently with silence, talk again, listen more with questioning? If not, be wary and very carefully filter your messages to her respectfully, always assessing her response until you get a better handle on her expectations and liking.
- Schedule your feedback. Always set up the meeting with your new boss. And do it within the first four to six weeks of her tenure. Tell her that you've got a couple important issues you'd like to talk about. Be ready to give and explain a very positive contribution she's making to the organization. Detail it's success. Then suggest one change or new action that would make her more successful. Explain your rationale, give an example, and suggest the positive consequence. Never, never take her by surprise until she lets you know that she's comfortable with "walk-ins."
- Gauge her reactions. Contrary to conventional wisdom, the best of us are more often wrong than right when it comes to assessing a person's reactions. So pay close attention to how she goes about problem solving and making decisions. How much info does she need? Listen to assess her ability to determine the consequences of her behaviors. And pay attention especially to her self-awareness. Can she admit error, talk about her thinking and laugh at herself. And after you've dished out positive and negative feedback, check in by occasionally asking, "Does this make sense?" Or, "Did that work?"
The majority of bosses are completely lacking in both interactional skills and self-awareness. That's neither condemnation of bosses nor of business/technical education. Relationship skills were not required in the 20th century industrial economy. Indeed, giving and following orders in a controlled environment required little relationship intentionality. In the New, Global Economy relationship skills are the ultimate distinguishing characteristic of the successful. Technology, the so-called hard science is rather easy to learn especially because it is largely controllable and predictable. In contrast, many struggle to learn the so-called soft power skills where the ability to control and predict consequences is far more difficult. Even today, few business and technical colleges and universities are up to the demands of the world environment. And you'll often find, much to your dismay, that many managers and execs are clueless. So be wary as you go about managing your boss. But don't fail to do it.
Relationship building is never an event, but a long-term campaign. It can be costly, but as I've emphasized in an earlier blog on managing your boss, it'll also provide job opportunities, resources, links to the rest of the organization, and often a very good raise.