Toxic emotions in the work setting are an occasional occurrence and an occupational hazard. You're fortunate as a new manager if you have a built-in "handler," an employee who knows how to defuse the anger, fear, resentment, jealousy, shame or guilt that inevitably surface among the workforce.
Since the possibilities for a built-in handler are slim, you might as well get used to emotionality. It happens. When someone goes off, there's no reason to be surprised or all tense about it. We humans are emotional animals and some of us handle emotions poorly. In spite of the fact that most people get nervous as hell around emotions, there's nothing wrong with sitting and observing unless you sight blood. Then you can take action. (Sometimes the rush to psychology and patient cure is nonsense.)
Emotions are actually announcements. They let you know that something important or valuable is going on. Make certain you've got some clarity before you hurry to intervene. In a job setting most people will eventually work out their s - - t. Or, as one my exec clients once said to two of his directors, "You guys resolve your conflicts or you're both gone." It worked.
FYI: Employees think their job's on the line with an outburst, and they'll usually feel guilty or ashamed and may even come asking for forgiveness. Don't kid yourself. Some managers are shamans--witch doctors. Get into that role. After you go through the priestly rite of forgiveness, you need to find out what's going on. Then you can ask what that person is going to do about his stuff in the future. It's all really no big deal, in spite of what the lawyers say. (This is not quite tongue in cheek, but almost.)
However, when toxic emotions continue long term, they can result in poor performance and lowered morale. The success of many projects depends on the effectiveness of handlers who can assuage the pain from toxic emotions and channel it for the good. Indeed, recent research suggests that all decisions are emotionally based. Some emotions like excitement, enthusiasm and inspiration are essential to leadership success. The fact of the matter is that a great deal of leadership is about emotion management.
So how do you handle toxic emotion in the workplace?
First, you need to know how to identify toxic emotions. The emotional condition is an upset state, characterized by shock, diffusion and transference. Shock is the most extreme form of emotional upset usually accompanied by the loss of an employee's critical skills. Shock can be accompanied by diffusion, which is excessive physical movement, movement outside the norms of a person's usual physicality. Transference becomes obvious when an employee begins to relate differently to his/her colleagues. In short, when you see a person acting differently than usual, perhaps hand shaking, redfaced, perspiring, talking a blue streak or clamming up, you may well have toxic emotions on your hands. After you've worked with a person a month or so, you can tell when their speech, language and behavior are beyond their norm. Most organizational cultures don't permit yelling or other extreme emotions, which may well intensify the visible tension in an employee.
Toxic emotions present a number of problems for the new manager. They make a person less predictable, take time to build up, and are slow to decay. And most of us don't cool down very fast. Emotion often feeds upon itself, creating a spiral effect. When professionals are agitated, and thus less able to think clearly, you'll find that they are nearly compelled to make critical decisions. People respond to emotion with emotion, resulting in an ongoing spiral, rather than resolution. Finally, emotions are very self-centered, making the decision process very suspect.
What are the best ways to deal with toxic emotions?
If your bell is ringing and you can sense the toxic emotions rising in yourself, take yourself out of the decision process. My personal rule is that two situations require me to remove myself from decisionmaking: fatigue and emotionality. I've programmed myself to remember Voltaire's rule: I've got so much to do, I need to go to bed. Aside from lack of sleep, or burning the candle at both ends, toxic emotionality will quickly fatigue me.
Second, don't spend much time trying to understand or resolve another person's upset. Lower your voice, look him/her in the eye, perhaps touch them on the arm (depending on the culture), and say something to the effect of, "sounds like this is personally frustrating. We can talk about it at another time." If you're in a team meeting, a bit of good humor or levity will go a long way toward relaxing the individual and the team.
Some conversational styles accelerate toxicity. Judgmentalism and blaming rarely result in positive emotionality. Skilled managers know how to delete judgmental statements from their conversation in order to keep people on an even keel.
Positive feelings, like exhilaration and enthusiasm, are another animal. They enhance performance and are purposefully generated by the new manager.