The Millenial Generation expects, even demands feedback. As a result, many managers are beginning to treat Gen-Yers as a different animal and, for my money, that's all to the good. After all, developmental feedback is an imperative for growth.
Asking for or delivering feedback are two skills that require a great deal of smarts, but receiving feedback is even more difficult for most of us. In coaching execs and C-Officers I learned years ago how to get them to receive feedback successfully--and grow from it.
Recent commentary in Business Week revealed that some coaches believe that pure narcissism is the reason professionals won't accept and use feedback. Narcissism is the uniquely American disease in which we present ourselves as always in control, competent, respectable and exuding authority.
I disagree strongly with that rationale.
The core of my business is getting and giving feedback which impacts executives in such a way that they actually absorb it to make needed changes. I've found that the biggest reason for the rejection of feedback is an abject lack of training. In other words, most people are going to reject feedback when they haven't been trained to deal constructively with it.
As part of my developmental program, I interview 12 - 20 colleagues of the client in one-on-one sessions. Then I collate the feedback and perform a content analysis on those verbatims. Content analysis is an in-depth method for analyzing interview material that focuses on a number of questions: who's saying what, why, to what extent and for what purpose? With the answers to those questions, I can draw highly relevant conclusions about an execs strengths and strategic needs.
However, on several occasions prior to the feedback experience, I prepare the client for the feedback experience with very concrete training. My client understands that I'm reporting and not judging. He also knows that I report all the feedback I've received except that which might compromise an interviewee. Ninety-nine times out of a hundred, after 20 minutes of interviewing most colleagues respond to the affect of "Ahhh. Let him (or her) know all of this. It'll be for his own good."
At the first feedback session, I tell the client that I'm only aware of three possible responses to the information: accept it, reject it, or be surprised by it. I don't care which response he has, I just want him to let me know his response. Giving feedback is an open-ended conversation, much like a free-for-all. One of the reasons I'm hired is for my reputation for gaining feedback, and so I have a willing subject, albeit a nervous one.
Analyzing three to five pages of verbatim feedback takes my client and me from two to four hours, usually in two sessions. Typically, at least one of the surprises is a strength which is an indication of how little we know or understand ourselves. It's rare for a client to be surprised by a weakness. But clients do want to understand the details, and learn what to do about that weakness.
After two sessions of feedback, we lay out a developmental program, get his boss's buy-in, and decide who else to involve in the process. Almost all my clients want to share the feedback and development program with their bosses. Inevitably, that is a productive experience.
Professionals need to be trained to receive, absorb and activate that feedback. Once they realize how to deal with feedback, it’s a straight-forward process with little tension. With support and training, feedback can be a highly effective development opportunity.
Growing out of these experiences is a particularly powerful storyline emphasizing to the client that “your success is my success, so you can be damned sure that I'll be occasionally pushy.” The story line clarifies the client relationship, puts achievement at the center of the relationship and emphasizes accountabilities in a humorous way. Its unique power to resolve concerns or interpersonal fears is nearly phenomenal.
However, it's rarely necessary for me to get tough, because these are fast-track managers, extremely ambitious and desirous of success who understand the importance of my concerns for their well-being.
The difficulty of receiving feedback is a simple matter of training, not a psychological or narcissistic problem.
In the next few days, I'll be posting another blog on how to accept feedback when you don't have a coach to support you or walk you through the process. What questions would you like me to consider?