How do you go about initiating a relationship? Among the most capable in this process are top sales people from major corporations, responsible for millions of dollars of contracts. They must become experts at initiating and building relations. As a result, their training is very extensive.
You might be surprised at the simplicity of some of their relationship initiating tools.
They meet the exec in his/her office, introduce themselves in two or three sentences and then begin the initiating process with a simple communication tool. Of course, they're all very good "noticers."
Format: Compliment, followed by a ritual question.
In a friendly manner they offer a compliment about what the client is doing, wearing or saying. Then they quickly follow the compliment with a question that is directly related to the compliment they just gave.
For example, noting a large athletic ring (World Series artifact?), they say: "That's a fascinating (handsome) ring (tie, shirt, suit, etc.) you're wearing. How did you happen to get that?"
Notice something the person is carrying--book, equipment, technology equipment. . . . Then, "what do you think about it? How well does it work? How do you use it?"
Look for a unique behavior. "I notice that you always stack things under that paperweight! Where did it come from?" "I notice that you've changed pictures in your office. Tell me about this one." They are listening for clues to that exec's interests, values, relationships or needs, the kind of free information that smart interviewers pick up through the most innocent of questions.
Generally, in an executive's office you've got four or five minutes for this, so it needs to be smart. But the compliment/question format works in nearly every setting.
Reading this for the first time, you might be put off by its simplicity and cliche feel. Having used it with top executives for years, I know it's a social skill with a batting average of, say 350 or better.
Try it five or six times and let me know what you think.